If you are Googling “how to stop being controlling in a relationship” chances are you know you have a problem, and want to remedy it. This is good that you want to work on your issues, it’s a healthy sign. To help you get there, in this blog post, we will tell you how to stop being controlling in a relationship in five ways. Let’s get started!
Keep an eye out for your controlling behaviors, or ask a supportive friend to identify them for you. Then, follow these tips to practice how to stop being controlling in a relationship.
1. Don’t Forget Your Partner is Not Your Slave
When you want to have a satisfying relationship with your partner, you must learn how to take control without making them feel like a slave. This means that you should not force your partner to do anything you want them to do. Instead, you should try to understand their needs and preferences. You may want to give them more freedom and space. You should also allow them time to relax and recharge. Just remember that you don’t own them.
2. Dig into What Fear or Belief is Causing You to Become Controlling
When a partner acts in a controlling way, the first step is to understand what is behind their behavior. The root cause of this pattern. It could be a lack of trust in the partner, anxiety, depression, or a traumatic past experience. After you have dug up the root cause of the problematic controlling behavior, you will know the area you need to work on.
3. Foster Trust Between Your Partner & You
Without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail. If you find your partner being overly controlling, there are ways to change your behavior and foster trust. Controlling behavior is often the result of past hurt or fear. If you have been controlled in the past, you might be trying to gain control in the relationship, but this can actually detract from a healthy relationship.
Controlling people get angry when they don’t get what they want. They may even cross the line into invasion of privacy. For example, they might make decisions without consulting their partners. They also don’t like to compromise and don’t listen to their partners. In addition, they always want to know where their partner is all the time due to lack of trust. This can be frustrating for both parties.
Try to build back trust into the relationship by being transparent with each other and not betraying your partner in any way.
4. Accept That Everything Won’t Go Your Way (And That’s Okay)
Regardless of how much you try to keep everything in control, you won’t always be able to. There are so many things that prevent that, such as things that are not in your control, including how your partner thinks and feels. So, even if you try to manipulate some things to be as you want them to be, that’s not going to work in every scenario. So you need to make peace with the fact that there will be times when you will have your say, and there will be times when your partner will, and that’s okay.
5. Give Your Partner Their Own Space
Did you know that how healthy your relationship goes with your partner also depends on the type of relationship they have with the people around them? It’s true, the weekly session with friends that they have might be doing good for their depression. So don’t try to dictate them into abandoning friends and family, that will only work against you both in the long term. So you don’t need to keep a tab on what they are wearing, what they are eating, and the people they are meeting. The time they spend every week or month with friends and family members will lift up your partner’s energy, and improve your relationship as a result.
The Final Word
Learning how to stop being controlling in a relationship is not linear. You will make mistakes, especially if you have been on controlling mode for a long time. Just keep in mind your partner is not your slave, find out the root cause of your controlling behavior, rebuild trust between your partner and you, accept that things can and will go wrong sometimes, and give your partner some space for their me-time. To learn more about how to stop being controlling in a relationship, check out Aala Coax’s book Let’s Heal, Queens and Kings.